by IABA Team | Jul 6, 2021
Children with autism who work with Board Certified Behavior Analysts in a therapeutic ABA setting learn skills that help them function independently. These kids never work in a vacuum, since the long-term goal is the effective transfer of these skills from the ABA therapy center to their wider world.
In fact, ABA therapy can be more satisfying and effective when the whole family gets involved.
What Does Family Support for Autism Look Like?
Family support can include a wide range of elements, and each family needs something unique.
Potty training is a great example. Often, children find success in clinical settings but not as much in their home environment. Clinicians can work with parents to develop a plan that extends into a child’s home and school life.
With a goal to promote independence across all environments, therapists work with families to increase effective communication between parents, siblings, and the child with autism.
Oftentimes children won’t have developed language skills and ABA therapists come up with a communication system that parents can use. Whether it’s verbal, limited sign language, or picture exchanges, these methods can be used at home.
Parent-Therapist Communication
Maintaining therapeutic practices at home and not just in clinical settings is crucial for ABA therapy to have a life-changing impact.
Family involvement can start with the simple process of sharing with parents what the child is working on in the ABA therapy setting. As new families get familiar with the basics of ABA therapy, it really helps them understand what they can do at home, like how to respond to tantrums.
In some cases, just having help in creating a morning or nighttime routine can make all the difference to everyone in the family. Ideally, parents and families make time to meet or talk with therapists on a weekly basis, though many parents have busy schedules.
ABA Therapy from IABA Consultants
If you have questions regarding autism treatment with ABA therapy, we are here for you! Our goal is to make sure no family is turned away due to financial constraints. Our therapy team would love to talk to you. Find the location closest to you and give us a call. We’re here for you.
Sources: Chicago Parent Magazine
by Jessie Cooper | Jun 23, 2021
Okay, so at this point, you and the nation might be sick of the quote from Glennon Doyle about the cheetah realizing she is not crazy, she is trapped from her wild. I’m going to pre-apologize for bringing it up again if you are one of the people sick of that quote, but it’s a foundational piece of wisdom for me.
I’m going to do a quick recap for those of you who haven’t read,” Untamed.” Tabitha is a cheetah at a zoo who Glennon observes regally pacing the cage. Glennon goes on with the narrative that perhaps Tabitha believes herself to be crazy, dreaming of the hunt and ink-black skies. Glennon writes, “you’re not crazy, you’re a goddamn cheetah.” In this chapter, Glennon writes that when you feel you are crazy and your gut tells you that perhaps you are sane you should always consider that you are not, in fact, crazy; maybe something is wrong on the outside and there nothing is wrong with you.
Hearing Yourself
Last week I wrote to you about setting boundaries and quieting the noise from the stands of the outside world. I want you to become quiet so you can hear yourself. When we are taking in the messages from other people, especially when those messages are loud and shaming, we lose ourselves–our wildness. In losing yourself, the people in the stands start to decide how your life goes and they do not always have your best interest at heart; they have theirs. Above all else, it is incredibly important to never lose who you are and to be able to come home and listen to the voice in your heart that guides you.
As an empath, I really, really do not like looking at injustice. When I see something that tells me justice is at risk I take on the emotions of others. I want to put myself in their shoes, hear their story, and feel the pain of those experiencing the injustice so I know what to do next. For this reason, looking at injustice is incredibly hard but also incredibly important for me. I have to put in a lot of self-care and take time grounding myself before I approach circumstances in life that need to change for the better. When I don’t start by grounding myself I’m pretty sure I come off wild when approaching an injustice. But my wildness doesn’t make me crazy, I’m a goddamn cheetah.
I know many other people that take on the emotions and opinions of others only to find themselves lost. Personally, as a survivor of domestic violence, I know what this feels like firsthand. In speaking up about domestic violence in a rural setting I’ve been met with adversities I didn’t know were possible. Leaving the abuse was the hardest thing I had done until that point. Walking into a system that is not yet set up to tackle the many forms of domestic violence is harder.
Helping Others, Helping Yourself
I’m very lucky with my line of work. When I see basic needs or an injustice that needs attention, care, and a new level of support I get to choose how I approach it. I know I take on the emotions of others who are suffering (joy as well, but suffering is what I want to fix…) so I’m able to check myself in a professional setting. I’ve spent almost a decade as a business owner learning how to do this. In the beginning, it wasn’t pretty, there was a lot of puffing up and shrinking down that I wrote about last week. Now I know that staying true to myself is the number one thing I can do in order to design systems from my company (and the world) that truly create lasting change.
Staying true to myself personally has been much harder these past five years. In reclaiming my voice over the past seven months I’ve definitely puffed up and shrunk down all the while asking for the grace to stand my sacred ground. Breathing deeply into my belly to remember I’m a goddamn cheetah, as I’m unfortunately met with victim shaming and miseducation surrounding domestic violence. Just yesterday I was asked to say, “domestic abuse,” because violence misleads everyone and makes them uncomfortable.
Do you know what makes me uncomfortable? People being violent or abusive to other people. Not the goddamn word a survivor chooses to use about their own experience.
Giving Grace to Others
It is in remembering my wild and personal experiences that I know all people deserve to live free of injustice. This has given me the strength to apply care to myself in order to do personally what I’ve done professionally for so many years. I have to give grace to those in the stands with especially ugly jeers because they have not yet woken up. They are afraid, uncomfortable, and they are lashing out. If I took their screams as gospel I would lose my life. I almost did less than a year ago.
Remembering that I am a good, kind, passionate, smart woman helps me wash the dust off my bloody knees as I stand against these crowds and respond. Not responding with hate to their noise but with love for myself. It’s easier for people to tell us we’re crazy and dismiss our life experiences that cause them discomfort. Accountability can feel life-threatening to those lost in shame or guilt. Accountability also means the just will prevail while the unjust fail. Those who hold perceived power over others just to keep it (and other resources) for themselves are loud as fuck. What they lack, however, is kindness. You and I, gleaming cheetahs, are filled with kindness and love. We do not deserve to be gaslit away from a life that is worth living, our voices tamed. We deserve to be heard and loved.
Stop the victim shaming. May all women, men, and children be free and safe. Fight for who you are and a world worth living in and a world worth leaving behind for our children.
Xoxo,
Jessie
by Jessie Cooper | Jun 9, 2021
Last week I wrote to you about a new writer coming on to IABA to bring you content about autism and parenting. I wanted to let you know that my blogs have become my sacred space and I want to keep writing for me, hoping it serves you too. I believe my readers to be those who are looking to embrace their hearts and live their lives unapologetically and full of joy. I believe my readers are willing to look at pain, fear, shame, and guilt, and walk through it to bring understanding and shed light on what doesn’t serve them. This is hard as hell. It’s also totally worth it.
This week I want to write about my hope for you and me; our tribe. You see, my hope feels simple, yet I have felt damned from the time I was able to see it burning in my heart all those decades ago. I read a book to my boys recently titled “What Do You With An Idea?” In the book, a little boy keeps seeing an idea. The idea follows the boy and he ignores it. The boy is scared that other people will make fun of him for having this idea but the idea won’t go away. Eventually, the boy declares, “So what! This is my idea,” and goes on to learn that if you take care of your idea you can change the world.
I am not so bold to think that I can change the world with an idea but I am hopeful the world can change with collective ideas and actions. That we can all be as brave as the little boy in the story and honor ourselves and our ideas. Here is mine.
Choosing Kindness First
The hope and idea I have been living my entire life with is that humans can choose kindness first for themselves, then show it to others. That’s it. That’s my idea. I told you it feels simple, yet it ripped me apart for as long as I tried to embrace it. You see, I had a misconception of kindness and compassion because the world was telling me I was wrong. The world was defining what kindness looks like for a woman. Let me tell you what I was told. If you are a woman, maybe it even sounds familiar.
Kindness is noticing the needs of others. A good woman attends to the needs of others. Kindness is being polite. Do not speak in a harsh tone, raise your voice, swear, or insert your opinion where it may offend or even inconvenience others. Kindness is conforming; you do not want to make other people uncomfortable. Keep your appearance and demeanor in a way that does not offend. Kindness is being a polite little girl who grows up to be a good wife. A kind wife always listens to her husband. Men are, of course, here to protect us.
Fuck all that.
I read a book, “Brave, Not Perfect,” by Reshma Saujani, that talks extensively about the way in which society has indoctrinated women to be submissive. I shudder as I write the word ‘submissive.’ Ask my parents if they can put the word submissive and Jessie in a sentence. Nope. Not possible. Even though the US and many other countries have come a long way in some aspects, in many others it has not. We are still working against the narrative set by our white male forefathers over 200 years ago.
Shaping Our Future
Think about it. We have an entire political system that works on making amendments to words written exclusively by white men almost 250 years ago. While I would like to believe that there will be an awakening of some sort and that we are shifting toward a future for all, it’s not always easy to feel that way. When the pandemic hit and the tragedies in the black community came to our social forefront I thought to myself, “this is it, this is the bottom, people will wake up.” Some did. Some are using kindness and love to catapult us into a new future. Others continue to bring hate.
In speaking of my dream of kindness for all, the only perspectives I can write from are as a white woman and a mother in the US. I dare not and will not take the voice of the black community, LGBTQ, immigrants, or even men. I have not walked in their shoes and do not know what they were told to conform to or what they have experienced. But this I know to be true: every human being is born with the same worth. Let me say it again; baby, you are born worthy, you do not have to earn it.
As a woman, I tried desperately to earn value by following social norms while trying to fight these same norms. In my mind, I would stand bravely and push through a norm. Then I would fall back into shame. This constant push and pull was taking my life. This is how domestic violence overcame me.
Recognizing Abuse and Domestic Violence
Many people think that as a strong woman it’s not possible to experience, let alone live with, domestic violence and abuse. There is no way a strong or successful woman can live with abuse. I wish this was the case for me, but the truth is that at 34 years old I’m living without abuse in my life for the first time. Yes, I was strong and successful, but I also wanted to be kind and believe others were kind. That everyone is always kind at heart, even if they don’t show it. That when someone was abusing me they just needed a little more love to become the kind person they were born as. This would eventually spiral into, “why don’t they love me enough to stop!” Then I would get stuck. My version of kindness was killing me. Is it killing you?
In leaving domestic violence behind and working with an incredible trauma therapist, as well as having a loving support system, I am learning to apply my first belief about kindness; be kind to myself. This type of kindness takes from no one and offers a warm love to my soul that I’ve needed since the birth of my idea. I believe that if we are not kind to ourselves, which includes looking at ourselves (both the good and the bad), we cannot be kind to others. So I’m looking at myself and I’m asking myself to shed the narrative of kindness as submissive to become the woman I was born to be.
Cut the Noise Out
The world is a noisy place. When you stand up for yourself and what you need, remember that the crowd in the stands gets loud. You must be willing to block out the noise of the crowd to win the battle of your life. The battle to live free and unapologetically as yourself.
There is work to be done, systems that must fall, and people you must be ready to say goodbye to. We need to cut the noise out. But if you follow your heart home to yourself perhaps someday you’ll stand beside me in the ring. Perhaps we’ll build a kind world together.
Miracles and seen in the light, light and strength are one.
Xoxo,
Jessie
by Jessie Cooper | Jun 1, 2021
It’s been a little over a year since I started blogging. I was asked to start blogging by my marketing team to bring relevant information to our families. I was secretly waiting for this invitation because I’ve always wanted to be a writer and felt ashamed while thinking about “proper writing.” The invitation to write for you all quickly became therapy for me. The perfectionism that was holding me back was put down and writing has quickly become my favorite part of every week (outside of basement snuggles and coffee…).
When I began writing the blog I was focused on the services provided by Instructional ABA Consultants to support families of children with autism. I also wrote as a mama of two young children and one adopted teenager to let all mamas (and papas) out there know they are not alone. That even someone like me, an experienced clinician and CEO, has struggled with motherhood, tiny humans, and teenagers. Raising other humans is no easy feat and it takes a village of support and love. My hope was that my writing created a space of belonging for parents of both neurotypical children and children with autism.
Finding Myself During the COVID-19 Pandemic
As the pandemic hit in early 2020, I was not only burdened with running a company through a pandemic. I was also burdened with sheltering in place, taking care of my children, domestic violence, and the end of my marriage. I’ve alluded to the fact that I am a survivor of domestic violence. What I have not told you, however, is that I am one of the too many women who were (or are) not safe at home.
For a long while, I did not want to write this because I was ashamed. It’s not easy to identify domestic violence, let alone leave it behind. I was also fearful that anything and everything I wrote or said would be used in court against me. That by speaking up about my situation I would damage myself. There is much I will not say until I am ready, but please know this: I was not safe in my marriage. Neither were my children. I hold no ill will toward my ex-husband, but I absolutely believe abuse deserves accountability and that we all deserve to be safe. Writing about healing, alongside a community of support, helped show me the way out. I hope someday my writing will be a candle for others.
Shifting into a mindset where I can speak up (after 6 months of trauma-based therapy and more love than anyone can ask for) showed me that my current focus is shifting away from the original focus of my writing. I want to be able to continue to explore my own writing while not forgetting the part of my tribe who need online support for their children with autism and parenting. In a gentle way, I found it to be true that the content surrounding autism and parenting should be given to a writer who is currently more aligned with this topic. I also wanted to continue writing personally as a way to heal from trauma and live a life built in joy.
How did I decide what to do?
New Writings and Blogs
As usual, when I don’t know what to do, I went first to my gut, then to my team (tribe at home) and asked what to do.
This month my company will be splitting the blog section into two tabs. The first section will be for autism-related topics and family support. The second will be my writing, wherever that takes us. It is my hope that both blogs serve each community that receives them by being relevant to their respective topics.
Professionally, I continue as the CEO and owner of Instructional ABA Consultants serving children and adults with disabilities regardless of funding source. We have a clear mission and a badass team. Personally, I’m embracing the author I’ve always wanted to be and hoping my words bring peace, hope, joy, and connection to others.
May we all be happy, healthy, safe, and free.
Xoxo,
Jessie
by Jessie Cooper | May 12, 2021
Last week I wrote to you about the ring. In it, I shared that often in life we are confused about the noises from the stands and distracted by what is right in front of us. On what matters. I’d like to elaborate on this topic.
Life is messy and beautiful; this we all know to be true. On any given day, week, or year we are surrounded by experiences and people that shape our reality. For me, the messy was almost always the noise from the stands and letting go of what I thought I wanted in exchange for what was true. You see I too drank the kool-aid of fitting in for an extremely long time. An embarrassingly long time actually.
From a young age, I placed my happiness on others. I wanted to be accepted by my family and friends. I wanted to be liked. In order to do this I had to create a life that looked beautiful because I thought it would make me happy. I had written the story of who my life was supposed to be spent with and how it should look before I had lived it. It was a hollow way to live.
Life Changes
This past spring my gut told me my life needed a change. This fall it was delivered to me. As a survivor of domestic violence, I have a terrible time with surrender (even though I know it’s good for me). I was unsure of just about everything yet sure I wanted to find happiness again. Happiness for me and for my sons. So I surrendered. Incredible and hard things began.
The hard things came first. This is why I have written to you many times about walking through pain. As the crowds in the stands got louder I felt increasingly helpless. Yet in my gut I knew I had to stay the course, to sit in the pain, to allow the shift as I committed to my own happiness, safety, and worth. At first, I chose this path for my children. Then, as I became stronger, I chose it for myself. This is when incredible things began to happen.
As I stayed the course of surrendering to myself I let this one truth guide me; “I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be safe. My children deserve this too.” The pain, while present, became muffled and love began to pour in. Love that had always been there as I shed all that did not serve me. Originally, clouded by the noise from the stands, my senses were scattered. Literally. Having PTSD has led to certain noises hurting my ears. Yet as I allowed those who loved me to nurture me I was able to nurture myself. I could say all the things I had been holding onto. I could accept the loss around me and see the gain was greater.
I already knew the idea of what my life would be like based on the opinions of others. Honestly, I can’t remember a family gathering that didn’t press relationships or marriage as a child. I now know part of my extended family’s version of marriage is one where the man is dominant to the woman… no thank you. I thought if I created a beautiful life and my own family I could share them with my extended family. I thought if I gave of my time and heart it would be reciprocated by the family I had.
Living the Life You Need
The reality is that in a true marriage, family, or any other type of relationship, giving time and heart is absolutely necessary. In my case, most of my extended family and my last marriage sat in the stands as I stood in the ring. Realizing that I was spending all my time and love investing in others who did not want to reciprocate was liberating and painful. We are in fact social creatures and saying goodbye to those we convinced ourselves we loved but are not honoring us back is hard. It’s hard and it’s necessary.
As I let go of the life I thought I thought I wanted I’ve been greeted by the life I know I need. It doesn’t look a certain way. You won’t find it in a magazine. When I stopped thinking about what my life should look like and started focusing on what I want to feel like I was able to shift. In this shift, I was also able to look up and clearly see who is standing, sitting, or kneeling in my corner. I bet you have people like that too. I have always deeply loved my family and friends but my energy was split between the stands and the ring. Not anymore. Today and every day in the future I become more focused only on those in the ring.
It’s easy to look at the external world and think if we look or act a certain way we’ll be happy and accepted. But take it from me, it’s not worth it. We are only given this one precious life (as far as we know). While life is uncertain I personally know I will follow my own North Star–my gut feelings. I have built a new life, one built off of self-love, respect, compassion, empathy, and kindness. I have the most incredible people in the ring with me. Truly, I’m honored and grateful every day. I’m happy even as I do hard things.
Shedding a life I thought I wanted has birthed me into a life I know I was meant to live. With my children. With my family and friends. We don’t look a certain way anymore. We look happy.
Xoxo,
Jessie
