by IABA Team | Apr 25, 2022
Shopping with children isn’t easy. From the busy environments to the constant ‘I wants’, children will always find a way to make your trip to the store more difficult. The discomfort an autistic child may feel during shopping experiences can bring some other challenges into the mix.
This article was written to give some general tips on how to make your child feel more comfortable during shopping trips. And a happy child may help mom or dad have an easier shopping experience.
Planning Your Shopping Trips
While knocking out all your shopping needs in one trip sounds nice, it may not be the best option for your child. Extended shopping trips can throw off a child’s schedule. Spreading out your shopping may allow your child to get more comfortable with the trips in general.
Sticking to the principle of shorter trips also allows parents to introduce children to different environments at different times. This can help familiarize your child with new places and activities that happen in social situations.
And be sure to keep ‘big purchase’ shopping experiences kid-free. If you are buying something that needs salespeople, paperwork, or consultation, you’ll definitely want to leave your child at home. These complicated sales can take a long time to complete and you may have to switch your focus from your child to the sale–which isn’t good for either of you!
Making Shopping Trips Easier
Just like most situations, shopping with an autistic child can be made easier by preparing for their potential discomfort. Some great things to bring on any shopping excursion include:
- Any must-have toys or objects
- Favorite snacks & drinks
- A list or other visual aid to show your child the shopping itinerary
On top of physical objects that can make shopping easier, there are also a few things you can do with your child to prepare. Be sure to talk to your child’s therapist about these practices to make sure they are in line with their program.
- Timeframe visual aids
- Picking out things at specific stores (snacks, clothes, toys, etc, depending on the store)
- Helping with the shopping (pushing a cart, holding a basket, using the credit card, etc)
- Practice behavior with potential rewards
Helping your child feel comfortable is paramount to a great shopping experience. Be sure to work with your child before any new shopping location to keep the attitudes and behaviors positive.
ABA Therapy from IABA Consultants
If you have questions regarding autism treatment, education, or plans to use ABA therapy, we are here for you! Our goal is to make sure no family is turned away due to financial constraints. Our therapy team would love to talk to you. Find the location closest to you and give us a call. We’re here for you.
by IABA Team | Apr 18, 2022
Haircuts are difficult for many young children. Adding sensory sensitivities to the equation can make haircut appointments even harder. This is why we want to talk about haircuts for autistic children and what can be done to make appointments easier.
This article is a continuation of the topics from the last two weeks (Dental Visit Tips for Children with Autism | Doctor Visit Tips for Children with Autism). These are important topics, as getting your child comfortable with important social situations, while difficult, is necessary.
Finding an Autism-Friendly Hair Stylist
There aren’t many comprehensive autism-friendly hairstylists or salon lists available on the internet. This doesn’t mean you’re out of luck when it comes to searching for a great place to get a haircut, however.
Some beauty professionals list autism-friendly on their websites. This makes using search engines to find them very easy. Use search terms like ‘autism haircut near me’ or ‘autism-friendly hair stylist’ to start your search.
If you are comfortable with addressing the sensory sensitivities your child has that may arise during a haircut appointment, be sure to ask about or make requests beforehand.
- No electric clippers, blowdryers, water, shampoo, etc.
- Any specific touching or holding of the hair
- Scheduling an appointment at a less busy time
Talking to your child’s therapist before a haircut may also be a big help in jogging your memory for things that may help.
Preparing for a Professional Haircut
Before an appointment with the hairdresser, there are a few steps you can take to ease your child into feeling more comfortable about the appointment.
- Take a few trips to the salon before the appointment to acquaint your child with the environment
- Practice with brushes and combs while your child is seated at home
- Make sure to note any sensory issues that could arise: noise from electric clippers and blow dryers, hair touching, using water, etc
- Make sure your child has toys or objects they can have during the haircut
ABA Therapy from IABA Consultants
If you have questions regarding autism treatment, education, or plans to use ABA therapy, we are here for you! Our goal is to make sure no family is turned away due to financial constraints. Our therapy team would love to talk to you. Find the location closest to you and give us a call. We’re here for you.
by IABA Team | Apr 11, 2022
Taking your child to the doctor for a checkup can be an ordeal, especially if your child has related sensory sensitivities. The setting, noises, number of people, and other things can lead to many different sensory issues.
Like last week’s blog on visiting the dentist, this week we wanted to focus on making trips to the doctor easier.
Finding an Autism-Friendly Pediatrician
There aren’t many comprehensive autism-friendly doctor or pediatrician lists available on the internet. This doesn’t mean you’re out of luck when it comes to searching for a great doctor, however.
Many medical professionals list autism-friendly on their websites. This makes using search engines to find them very easy. Use search terms like ‘autism pediatrician near me’ or ‘autism-friendly pediatrician’ to start your search.
It is also imperative to call the office with questions ready before scheduling an appointment. Things to talk about before scheduling an appointment should include:
- Anything regarding existing behavioral or developmental conditions and how they may affect the visit or appointment
- Any sensory sensitivities with light, noise, crowds, or other situational concerns
- Communication difficulties with your child (noises, nonverbal, etc)
- Any common triggers that may be found in a new setting
- If a special waiting area is available for children with sensory sensitivities or autism
- If your child has certain difficulties with waiting or new places you may want to ask about scheduling a specific appointment where you don’t have to wait. Be sure to tell the scheduler about concerns regarding waiting times.
Make sure to have a list ready so you don’t forget anything during the phone call.
Preparing for a Visit to the Doctor
As it can be for other activities and appointments, a visit to the doctor can potentially throw children with autism off their routine. Making sure your child has easied into a schedule where an appointment may fit in is a great first step to take.
Be sure to bring any toys or objects that will make your child feel comfortable during the visit. Remember–the waiting period can be just as difficult as the appointment, especially if the doctor is delayed.
Visiting the office before an appointment can also be very helpful to acclimate your child to a new environment. If you have concerns about the new environment, be sure to call the office and see if you can make a few short trips there before the appointment.
A few things to be sure to have on hand for a doctor’s appointment include:
- Any important toys or objects
- Snacks or drinks
- Prefilled paperwork (if any is given before the appointment)
- A plan to deal with any large outbursts or behavioral issues
Be sure to talk to your child’s therapist if you have any concerns before an appointment. They know your child well and should have some great information that may help.
ABA Therapy from IABA Consultants
If you have questions regarding autism treatment, education, or plans to use ABA therapy, we are here for you! Our goal is to make sure no family is turned away due to financial constraints. Our therapy team would love to talk to you. Find the location closest to you and give us a call. We’re here for you!
by Jessie Cooper | Mar 31, 2022
Over the course of that last month, I’ve written to you about finding joy amidst hardship, living through pain, leaving domestic violence, and navigating fear. This is not a light load for anyone to take, let alone write about. Outside of my own personal experiences, I know that the people I love (and the world) are carrying hardship too.
LIfe has always had joy, pain, happiness, sorrow, and other dualities. Add a 2+ year pandemic to any of those feelings and we have an additional ongoing hardship to navigate in addition to life being, well, life. How are we surviving and how can we thrive during this time? I don’t know the answer to that but I do know that taking care of our own hearts, bodies, and spirits is truly the only option to get through it.
Taking Care of Yourself
I’ve been a healthcare professional for longer than I’d like to admit (15 years and counting). Over the course of my time with an active caseload, I cannot tell you how many times I repeated the age-old line “you have to put your oxygen mask on first!” when talking to exhausted caregivers of children with behavioral disorders. Fast forward a decade to when I became a mommy and joined the bandwagon of “self-care isn’t selfish, really!” as I carved out time for myself to have enough capacity to raise my little men. Talking the talk is easy to do and going through the motions of self-care has also been extremely publicized over the years.
Need more you time? Pour a glass of wine. Exhausted? Slip into a hot bath. Don’t miss the gym! Press that green juice. Where is your yoga mat? Society and marketing firms have a list of activities that we all can do in order to recharge our batteries and put ourselves first. While we might actually enjoy some of these activities, these slogans and lists completely miss the mark.
You see, all the slogans are telling us that we could actually be more perfect at taking care of ourselves in addition to a mounting list of things to do in order to live the ‘ideal’ life. Perfectionism is not in short supply these days. Neither are product lines nor marketing companies that profit from our deep dives into perfectionism and trying to be ‘good enough.’
In short, the way society (and I) used to talk about self-care is a one size fits all methodology, but one that can actually leave us more exhausted than relaxed. But self-care is really important, and recharging is essential during well, life, and times of high stress. So how do we fill these needs for ourselves? How do we take care of our beautiful but exhausted hearts, spirits, and bodies? My first piece of advice has literally gotten me through my entire life (the good, the bad, and the ugly). Ready for it? My mother would be shocked. Don’t listen to anyone. Like anyone.
Listening to Your Real Needs
I mean I can apply “don’t listen to anyone” to most facets of my life (it’s not always right!) but in regards to self-care I know I’m on to something. How could anyone from the outside world tell you how to take care of yourself when our needs as humans come from inside of our bodies and spirits? The only voice that can actually tell us what we need to recharge is our own. When we need it, how we need it, what feels good, what doesn’t, and so on. Self-care looks like being a guardian of your own energy and putting what your heart, spirit, and body need before the needs of others. Yes, even your children and especially every other person you love.
In a world where we are buzzing and being “so busy,” simply saying, “firm no,” to anything and anyone is the first step to listening to what you really need. It’s impossible to be honest with yourself if you do not make time for yourself. Self-care isn’t a status, it’s a way of being, one that I needed to be more honest with myself about recently. Burning at both ends has been my status quo for well over a year (OK, more than 5 years). Then I remember the wise voice inside of me that wished for my health and happiness above all else. Then I remembered to sit down and listen to what I really needed.
For me, I needed more time with my friends and family and more quiet time to reset on my own. It was a balance. I also needed better food, less sleep (I was over napping… a lot), and finding time to be quiet in my own body (so I did sign up for some yoga classes). I’m not fully re-energized yet but each morning I remind myself I am my own guardian and that I’m worth it. Trauma comes, hardship comes, and our hearts, spirits, and bodies need us to care deeply and kindly for them as we navigate our own personal pain (or just a bad day). We all need a little more kindness starting with ourselves.
It is only in taking care of ourselves that we can care for others. I won’t go all oxygen mask on you but I will challenge you by asking you this, “what hurts, what is tired, and what do you need?” Turn off the noise of the outside world, tune into yourself, and find out. It’s a journey worth taking, I promise.
Xoxo,
Jessie
by Jessie Cooper | Feb 24, 2022
Last week I wrote to you about life being beautiful, even when it is hard after yet another winter in COVID and the extension of my divorce. As with many of us, these past two years have been full of pain for me alongside joyful moments. Leaving domestic violence saved my life and began to lay the groundwork for my children living free of abuse. Yet the system in which I am divorcing poses its own challenges as many systems do.
Living through the pandemic, alongside my family and friends, has also been traumatizing not only for me but for the people I love. As yet another winter rolled in with no change to the stressors around me, for the first time in a long time, I was able to see that pain is part of life and oftentimes it is out of our control. I’ve often written about fear as a guidepost, but the acceptance of the pain that true trauma and hardship bring is real. I’d like to say more.
Accepting Emotions
As a small child, I thought that life was always supposed to be happy and that happiness was the destination we were all working toward. I was taught, as a girl, to modify my emotions to keep the peace and others comfortable. Any type of negative emotion was seen as something to be avoided and punished. Being uncomfortable or causing discomfort seemed to be a cultural “No” for women where I grew up.
I am lucky enough to have a mother who at home allowed us to feel our full range of emotions (and I had a lot) but even with this outlet, I was conditioned to feel shame over negative and loud emotions that often came from fear, pain, and my experiences with injustice. Happiness was where we were all going and how other people deserved to feel. The full range of negative emotions I felt (and still feel) were not welcomed and are still not welcomed in many places.
You see in a world where comfort and happiness are the prizes, discomfort is seen as the enemy. We are sold an awful lot of bullshit from the stories politicians tell, social media, and marketing firms about how to stay small and comfortable. Feel pain? Vote for me and I’ll fix your suffering. Feel pain? Follow my beautiful life on Instagram, then copy it. Feel pain? Buy another…fill in the blank to numb it. Feel pain? Just pour another glass of wine mama. All these ‘solutions’ when the real answer is, “feel the pain; first nurture your own heart and soul, then ever so slowly step back into life.”
Pay Attention to You, Not What the World is Telling You
Our society is gaslighting us by telling us that life is supposed to be warm and fuzzy all of the time. If we question our own discomfort, leaning into how we feel, we are challenging the system of power that is designed to keep us small. In my recent experience, if you speak loudly about discomfort (like domestic violence) shame is rampant because speaking about pain makes other people uncomfortable. I can write with 100% certainty that other survivors have had this experience when they have spoken about their abuse. Perhaps, in my lifetime, that percentage will decrease.
But here’s the thing. None of us, none of us, go through life in a bubble feeling happy all of the time. Happiness is fleeting and if we are using it as a meter for our life we will in fact miss our lives. Joy is a long-lasting emotion that can live with pain. I’ll write more about this later, but today we stay with pain.
How many of you have been raised to believe that pain is a scary, avoidable emotion that needs to leave your life as quickly as it came? And how many of us have had life experiences that are outside of our control that caused the pain? I’m guessing all of us. At the end of one of Glennon Doyle’s recent podcasts, her daughter Tish Melton sings. One line in the song has stuck with me week over week. “I hit rock bottom, it felt like a brand new start. I’m not the problem, sometimes things fall apart.”
This line stays with me because so many of us are not only told to avoid pain but told that when bad things happen it’s our fault especially when we are talking about abuse. Or that if we are feeling pain our job is to hide the pain to keep everyone comfortable, because everyone else being comfortable keeps us safe. It’s a loop that ultimately leads to shame and, as the brilliant Brene Brown writes, “the only way to eradicate shame is to talk about it.”
Pain & Shame
So, if pain and the strong emotions surrounding this pain are part of life, why should pain something to be avoided? The real answer is it should not. Pain is just part of life. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not something we need to race past to get back to happiness. It just is.
And alongside pain just being part of life, joy is also a part. Sitting with pain and allowing others to know about your pain heals your own experience with pain and, in cases of abuse, can save the lives of others when you speak out. The more we allow pain to be part of life, the more we can tackle head-on what is working in our lives, how to nurture ourselves through life’s challenges, and how to protect others from the pain others are trying to inflict on us. The small subset that is.
It’s OK to say what hurts. If we swallow our pain and push on into, “fine,” just to demonstrate we’ve won the golden ticket of happiness we will in fact miss our own lives. Pain happens. Hard times happen. How we navigate the pain is not only the roadmap back to our own hearts but will help to build a more true representation of the human experience.
If you are living in a situation where pain is happening because another person is causing it, this type of pain is not OK and not what I am writing about. I am writing about the pain that comes from feeling our own emotions and human experiences. If another person is hurting you, in any way, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to leave. Yes, it will hurt, but that pain is worth it. The pain you are feeling from abuse is never, not ever OK.
Pain within is a compass. It tells us how to care for ourselves and how to leave what is no longer serving us. Happiness is a guise as a final destination. Freedom is what we all deserve. Freedom to be who we are, feel what we feel, and live our lives as close to our soul as possible.
I don’t know about you but I’m not raising my little men to be happy, I’m raising them to be free. Free to feel every part of their human experience knowing that first mama and then their own hearts is a safe space to land.
Xoxo,
Jessie
P.s. This one’s for you Kiki
