It’s been almost two months since I’ve written, that’s a record for me since I began these blogs nearly three years ago. It has always been my deep hope that my writing brings you a little closer to yourself. That’s why writing this past summer became impossible for me. You see, in order to write about living in a way that you’re in touch with yourself, I have to be in touch with myself. This summer I kept telling my friends when I would finally get around to seeing them, “I haven’t seen me either!” Just yesterday I was setting up our pool, filling my cart with Truly’s and popsicles to welcome summer. Yet somehow today I’ve sent two of my boys off to school with summer on our heels. I think if I had written to you this summer it would have been in memos and thumbs up. “We’re still here, everything’s A-Okay, shit; things aren’t okay, never mind, we’re fine…”
When Busy Takes the Wheel
Has that ever happened to you? Have you been in a spot in life where hearing yourself seems impossible? Where the demands of your life or the pleasure you choose (like summer vacations) become your driving force? I am certain in modern America we have all felt this way. Three years ago I chose to move from the suburbs of Chicago to the country of Ohio to denounce a bustling life the best I could. This summer I felt guilty for not leading by example. In the years that I’ve spent writing, I’ve also lived and breathed in a new way that I am always excited to share, even when my life was hard in impossible ways. Slipping into busy felt off-kilter from my integrity. Then I remembered that the human experience has seasons. Even if being busy isn’t what I would choose, it doesn’t mean I did anything wrong. Know darling, if busy is running your life that you’re doing anything wrong either.
Do you ever feel this way? That life has slipped into the driver’s seat and all of a sudden it’s demands are somehow the boss of you? I know many of my girlfriends feel this way about back-to-school more than the summer months. Their children are brimming with activities they love which means dinner gets crunched in at 4:00 for nine months with full weekends to follow.
We all have seasons of our lives that seem to run a schedule of their own. “How then,” I asked myself, “do we stay connected to our presence and the presence of life during this type of season?” I wish I had a perfect answer for this and I don’t. I can tell you the little things I tried through our bustling summer that helped me stay connected to myself in small ways. I can also tell you what I’ve realized only came when silence greeted me when my children went back to school. I’ll share what I’ve reflected on in hopes that whatever season you are in, you find time to hear your own heart.
Taking Big Lemons to Make Tiny Lemonade
In the summer months, when I felt myself slipping away into busyness, I no longer had my self-care routine down. This is what tipped me off my axis. My usual six to seven workouts a week crumbled into weeks where walks were the best I could do. Our eating as a family teetered between eating at home, then traveling and grabbing Subway while my children scarfed McDonald’s. My daily meditation practice was replaced by praying the children would nap and oftentimes falling asleep beside them in a heap of exhaustion. Choosing my schedule at work, where I know I’m most productive, got squeezed into child-free moments. My workout routine, the food I eat, and intentional moments of silence as well as when I work, is my self-care routine. With it swept out from under my feet I did two things every day to carry myself through.
The first thing I elected to do was to make the best choice possible daily that would bring some type of care to my being. I couldn’t look ahead to the week, but I could make small choices daily that felt in alignment with my integrity. I could make the best food choice in a moment, find small ways to move my body, and discover moments to find silence. Even if the moments of finding silence were simply standing outside with bare feet and breathing. As the days pushed me along, I tried my best to find moments of pause and to ask myself what I needed just that day. And, when there were days when no choice seemed to be available, I gave myself grace. I would hold my hand to my heart, take a deep breath, and allow myself to know that the next day I would try again. As life whirled around me, I tried in small ways to provide myself with the care I needed. This darling, is something that I want for you too. To find the small ways, in busy times that you can offer care and attention to yourself.
After I was able to accept my busyness and that small choices of care were my only option, the next thing I sunk into was gratitude. Yes, we were busy and I was out of a routine, but I was also surrounded by my children and the people we love all summer long. Our days without structure were often days surrounded by playdates, vacations, mom’s night out, family, and uninterrupted time with my boys. We were busy but we were also incredibly loved. When the work day ended and a playdate rolled up, I held my hand to my heart and whispered, “Thank you,” for the moments with our friends. If I could cook a dinner they didn’t have to, I knew that soon they would do the same for us. Holding gratitude for each tiny moment of connection kept me well-connected to their love as well as my own.
These two little things; choosing the best option at the moment and holding gratitude for the people in our lives are what carried me through my busy. When I laid my tired head to bed every night, sometimes saying hello to myself for the first time, I laid my head with gratitude and a full heart. This darling is what I wish for you in your busy days ahead. To make small choices that serve your body, soul, and spirit and to notice any type of love being offered to you. Then my darling, I want you to open your arms to that love, and whisper, “Thank you,” while offering yourself grace in your busy season.
Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper